Dealing with Intolerance

If you are a member of the ethnic majority in your country, then your marriage to a Filipina will present an interesting dilemma for both you and your wife.  You will, perhaps for the first time, have to deal with full-blown racial and/or cultural intolerance.   

This intolerance may take three forms: 1) intolerance directed toward your wife by your fellow citizens who are not Filipino, 2) intolerance directed toward you by Filipinos, and 3) intolerance directed toward you and your wife (an intercultural couple) by “conventional” unicultural couples. 

The first form is the most predictable, perhaps, but the degree depends largely on where you and your wife reside.  While there are upwards of two million Filipinos in the U.S., for example, their population density is much greater in California and Hawaii than, say, Iowa.  Obviously, where Filipinos are commonplace, there will be fewer instances of intolerance by non-Filipinos.  Where the appearance of a Filipino is more novel, there will be a greater chance for trouble. 

This form of intolerance may the result of your wife’s appearance (size, skin color), culture, or even her religion.  It can take many forms. Perhaps you wife will not be invited to participate in certain social activities, such as baby showers, by other women in your community.  She may not being hired for jobs for which she is fully qualified.  She may be treated as stupid or naive.  People like waiters and grocery checkers may speak to you, instead of your wife, even though your wife is present and fully capable of handling any questions.  In worst cases in worst places, she will be leered at in public or spoken about derogatorily, either to her face or, more likely, behind her back. 

The second form of intolerance, directed towards you by Filipinos, is relatively rare in my observation.  While certain very vocal (typically second generation) Filipinos have some harsh words about westerners who marry Filipinos, such condemnations are largely restricted to anonymous Internet chat rooms and bulletin boards.  Filipinos are, generally speaking, an exceedingly friendly people.  You should keep in mind, however, that Filipinos have a legitimate concern about western pedophiles and flesh dealers traveling to the Philippines with malicious intent.  Instances of western men abusing children or “exporting” Filipinas to serve as prostitutes in other lands have somewhat darkened the landscape for western men on travel in the Philippines.  If you are in the Philippines to meet a penpal, don’t be surprised if the eye of suspicion is cast upon you initially.  Once you prove yourself to be a decent fellow with good intentions, the atmosphere will lighten considerably. 

Also, keep in mind that there are a few nationalistic Filipinos who simply hate westerners, especially Americans, for ideological reasons – America’s former colonization of the islands, the former military bases at Subic and Clark, the Visiting Forces Agreement, the IMF, the fact that you have money and they don’t, the fact that you have blue eyes...the reasons don’t really matter.  There are just some people… 

(End of book excerpt – if you’d like the entire text, please consider ordering The ASAWA Guide to Fil-West Relationships.  Thank you!)