Social Situations 

So you’re planning your first trip to the Philippines to meet a gal you’ve been talking to on the phone, writing letters to, maybe chatting with on the Internet.  And you’re wondering what, exactly, you two are supposed to do while you’re together.  What are the expectations?  The limits?  What do Filipinos do for a good time?  How should you behave? 

Okay, here’s a likely scenario: 

You’ll arrive at the airport and your friend plus at least one of her friends or relatives will meet you there.  As a rule, Filipinas rarely travel alone, and when they choose their escorts they will usually choose female friends or sisters or cousins.  Filipinos are very hospitable people, so don’t be surprised if you’re greeted with the kind of cheers and smiles that an astronaut might expect after blowing up an asteroid that was hurtling toward earth.  Sure, you spent most of the past 12 hours reading in-flight magazines while gulping down peanuts, but we’re all heroes in our own ways, right? 

Odds are you’ll continue your travels to her home from the airport, though a few couples actually stay at a hotel that first night.  If you stay at a hotel, 99% of the time you should expect to sleep quite apart from your girlfriend, though there are always those statistical aberrations, aren’t there?  Anyway, once you make it to the girl’s home, you might find yourself surrounded by family or friends intent on checking you out.  Sure, they’re all smiles and laughter and idle conversation, but you’re being inspected, have no illusions about that.    You, in turn, should smile and laugh and talk and behave with as much humility as you can muster.  I’m not saying that you should pretend to be someone you’re not.  I’m just saying that, if you have a happy, humble side, this would be a great time to show it off.   

If you’re meeting mom and dad, be very, very respectful.  Find something nice to say about their home or surroundings, even if you really have to get creative to do so.  If they live in a tiny hut on the side of a smoldering volcano, for example, you should point out that they have a beautiful view of a volcano (try to do this without looking frightened, if you can).  

Bring along some small gifts.  Nothing fancy or expensive.  An expensive gift might embarrass the recipient, and you really don’t want to embarrass a Filipino because it’s almost impossible to undo the damage once that happens.  The best gifts are simple ones that are unique to your home, though that’s not always feasible.  Ask your girlfriend for suggestions before you travel.  By the way, don’t be surprised if a wrapped gift goes unopened.  Many Filipinos prefer opening gifts in privacy.  Sooner or later, they’ll let you know they opened the gift, and they’ll thank you for it.   

Be prepared to answer questions about your hometown, family, career, and education.  Smile while you’re talking and don’t cross your arms.  I’d also highly recommend that you avoid holding hands with your girlfriend at this early stage.  In fact, avoid touching her at all, if you can.  There’s little harm in playing it safe.  Perhaps her father and mother are rather liberal minded and wouldn’t mind you two holding hands.  But how can you know that for sure?  It won’t kill you to keep your hands to yourself for a little while, mister! 

If you go out into the village or city, expect to be stared at.  This happens more in small villages than in larger cities.  If you are white, tall, bearded, or blond or red headed, you will be stared at more than if you were short, clean cut with a dark complexion.  Don’t worry about it.  The folks around you are just curious and don’t mean to be rude.  You may find yourself followed by children or beggars, or children who are beggars, or old women who are beggars.  In which case, my suggestion is that you let your girlfriend or chaperone take care of things.  If they tell you to hand out a few pesos, do so.  If they tell you to keep walking, do so.  They will be intimately familiar with such situations and will know what to do.   

When you travel with your girlfriend, expect a chaperone to tag along.  As mentioned earlier, that’s pretty much the norm, and it serves many purposes.  A chaperone can protect a girl from a lewd or unsavory predator, which you might be, for all the girl’s family knows.  A chaperone also protects the honor of the girl by merely being there, since a chaperoned couple is less likely to get physically intimate.  Finally, the chaperone eases tension by playing the proverbial “third wheel”.  She (chaperones are almost always females) can chat away with you or your girlfriend and prevent awkward silences, for example, or she might suggest places to go.  In other words, don’t resent a chaperone.  Don’t think that her existence implies you are perceived as particularly untrustworthy. The chaperone would be there no matter whom your girlfriend was dating.  It’s just how things are done.  And there will come a day when a chaperone will simply fail to materialize, at which point you can spend time alone with the person you came to see.  

What do Filipinas like to do on date?   

(End of book excerpt – if you’d like the entire text, please consider ordering The ASAWA Guide to Fil-West Relationships.  Thank you!)